How to be a Superhero—Spotlight on a Modern Superheroine, Marie
Life hurts. Get superpowers. Be the hero of your own life.
When we
look at the challenges of the day, the week, the years ahead, we wonder if we
have the skills to meet them. If only we
were “more”—stronger, faster, smarter—on par with the heroes we admire. Whether your idol is Captain America or
Albert Einstein, Dr. Martin Luther King or Katharine Hepburn, these people
shine so brightly that we are blinded to the truth—that, at first, all they
were was human.
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| Me and Marie at Comic Con |
One cold January weekend, over a cup of tea and too many biscuits, I spoke to my friend Marie about what it takes to be the hero of one’s own life. Marie is a Business Analyst for a large automotive company, a single woman, a home DIYer, and a reader of many comics. Marie and I have known each other since childhood, since I was the bossy girl on the playground and she was the shy bookworm on the swing set. Nowadays, some things are the same (I am still bossy; she is still reading), but the challenges Marie has faced in her life have taught her resilience and the kinds of superpowers I would like to cultivate.
The first thing you should know about Marie is that her quiet manner is a ruse. Marie can crack you in half with her rapier wit and scramble you with her powerful opinions about the world. Just because Marie is a spinster does not mean she cannot take care of herself and champion the causes of others. For example, when Marie was in college, she realized she was gay and that it was time to tell someone. Despite the anxiety of revealing this about herself, she gathered the courage to tell her family and friends and to live the way she knew was right for her. Part of that was being honest about her sexuality, part of that was being confident in liking being on her own. Marie does not need a partner to be happy, though she would not mind having the right one, and she does not need others’ approval to feel whole.
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| Marie's 1950s Ranch |
In a society that demands constant socialization—shopping together, eating together, exercising together, sleeping together, talking, talking, talking—Marie just says, “no.” She lives alone, and she loves it. After a long day at work, she pulls up to the 1950s ranch-style home she is refurbishing herself, heads inside to the peace of a place all her own, and does her thing. She cooks and cleans, fixes doorknobs and installs floors, works out, and watches her favorite shows. Marie is passionate about LGBT representation on TV and participates in an online community that encourages TV show producers and writers to portray LGBT people as they really are—not plot devices but humans and superheroes in their own right.
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| Marie and Captain Jack of "Doctor Who" |
For those upon whom solitude has been thrust rather than chosen, I asked Marie how to be content on one’s own. She said, “Know yourself.” If you know you will struggle with being alone, plan for it. What will make you feel good? Sink into some self-care and let the anxiety pass. (Marie suggested tea, running, chocolate, good movies, and geeking out to whatever excites you.) As a woman who discovered she was gay when she reached adulthood, Marie has spent a lot of time getting to know herself. She said that being gay helps. In our culture, being gay is living outside the box. Once you are outside of that box, you cannot help but see everything that way. No social equation is provided. You get to dictate how you want your life to be.
Part of life, according to Marie, is reaching out and away from that restrictive, cultural box and engaging with the world. We must live beyond the social surface. Ask the deeper questions. Examine everything. Once you do that, you cannot feel lonely anymore. You have become a part of something bigger than yourself, and that fills you. Whether you are part of a community organization or just keeping up with the news, your world expands, and the quiet spaces that frightened you are not so terribly silent anymore.
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| Marie's Meditative Place on Lake St. Clair |
If Marie sounds perfectly adjusted to the daily drama, make no mistake; she’s not. She feels the pressure to date, to get with the crowd. When her friends leave single life for partners and picket fences, she says it hurts. I asked her how she handles that, thinking she would have more sage advice. “Ice cream and potato chips, then all of the wise things I said.” Again, genius.
Whether or not Marie’s ideas inspire you, she is one of the superheroes of my life. She is unerringly honest about herself and her ideas. After many years of living in shadow, Marie burst into the light and has gobbled it up ever since. Her superpowers of contentment, reflection, and courage lend her a brightness that I admire greatly. For her, being a spinster is not “being alone”; it is being one with herself. As we finished our tea and I self-caringly ate the last of the biscuits, I asked her what advice she has for spinsters everywhere. She leaned back and smiled saying, “Enjoy your life. Have fun! Whatever time you spend alone, don’t regret it. Don’t fight to leave it. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s just grass!”
Best wishes,
Super Spinster
