Adventures for One: Finding Independent Joy

Dear friends,

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/why-love-eating-alone

We all have activities we love to do alone, things we prefer to revel in solo without the interruption of other human brains.  For example, I love to visit museums by myself and take as long as I like on each exhibit; I enjoy a fall evening with just me, a glass (or two...maybe three) of wine, and a Gossip Girl marathon; and I revel in a bike ride down a country road with only cows and fields for company.  I even like eating out alone, choosing whatever I want on the menu, and reading a novel while I sip wine and eat my meal. 

I'll admit it; people look at me quizzically as I munch happily over a table for one.  I imagine they think, "Who's that intellectual, beautiful woman eating that nutritious salad all alone?  If only I were brave and beautiful and healthy like her."  You may think they are saying, "Who's the lonely nerd with the book?", but I will bet they actually wonder, "Wow.  Lady on her own.  What's she eating?  Can I get that?"  People usually just think about themselves, so we worry far too much about judgments that aren't even happening.

We have been trained to believe that if we are alone we must be lonely, and that loneliness must be our own fault.  If only we were more social, more open, more loving, we would never need to be alone.  What would never being alone look like?  Surely, we would all go mad, and the introverts would revolt immediately and take over the world because they are already in control of our computer systems anyway.  

We all have independent joys that replenish and inspire us, but we are discouraged from pursuing them in the open because of how we may be perceived.  Rather than worry about that, let's pursue our adventures for one with confidence and admire others as they do the same.

Now that I have admitted that I drink alone (the shame!), here is a challenge:  Share with Fun with Spinsters! what you love to do alone (keep it PG, people).  What are your independent joys?  What are your adventures for one?  And why do you love doing these things solo?  Do you love to exercise, travel, clean, cook, dance, sing, eat out, garden on your own?  Share with us!  You just may inspire us to do that thing we have always wanted to with renewed courage.

Share photos and comments on Fun with Spinsters!'s Facebook page, Instagram (#funwithspinsters), or in the comments below.  

Cheers!
The Super Spinster

Romance on a Budget—Thrifty Dating Ideas

Dear friends,

Financial savvy is the new sexy. Rather than be saddled with an immature partner in need of adulting classes, I seek a partner who knows how to manage his money and his life. When my date pulls out a gift card at a nice place, I'll admit it: I go weak at the knees.  I don't consider it “cheap” to know a good deal; it’s thrifty, and my Scotch blood loves it.

If you seek romance but worry you cannot afford it, fear not! You needn’t fall into debt to fall in love.   Try the following ideas for great dates that help you learn about the other person but leave money to spare:

Picnic—find a local park, bring food and drink, and ask your date to bring something, too.  You’ll learn a lot about your date by what he or she brings. On one of my park escapades, my date brought a table cloth, cutlery, lawn chairs, two kinds of wine (in case I didn’t like one of them), and takeout from one of my favorite places.  The man knew what he was doing, and we had a great time picnicking while looking out over the water.

Volunteer Event—plant a tree, pack a box of food, volunteer for a cause you support.  You’ll discover whether your date is generous and can work as a team, and even if the date is a bust, you did something nice for someone else. Visit Volunteer Match for ideas.  For Metro Detroiters, try Gleaner's Food Bank for a fun half a day out.     

Museum or Art Gallery—You don’t have to know anything about history or art for this outing.  Usually these places are free, and wandering around admiring the exhibits is a useful way to psychoanalyze your date.  I take many of my dates to the Detroit Institute of Arts and surreptitiously unravel their ids, egos, and super egos based on their responses to the art. Impressionism fan? Classic romantic.  Modernism aficionado? Willing to think outside the box. Fascinated by the sculptures of male nudes? Probably gay. Looks bored or tries to touch the art? End of tour. 

Free Concerts or Movies—So what if the free movie in the park is Trolls?  Pop some popcorn and bring a picnic blanket.  Keep it PG around the kids, but if you plan to get adventurous, take it to the back row. 

Hiking—Hiking is an effective, cost-effective form of interrogation, and you should use it if you want to discover whatever your date is hiding.  

In my experience, most men prefer to handle serious topics when facing the same way as their conversation partner.  For example, men prefer to speak seriously when sitting at a counter or next to someone in a car. They can spill their souls without ever making eye contact and can pretend the conversation is merely casual. Most women, however, want to look at the person speaking. They sit across the table in order to watch body language and facial expressions. Think about the ladies from Sex and the City sitting in a restaurant sharing their sexual escapades over a meal, unable to hide anything from their perceptive girlfriends. 
 
We reveal a lot in the twitch of a nervous foot or the side glance of a lie, and we mimic the body language of people we like or agree with. (Here's a link to a site about the science of reading body language: The Science of People) Although we should watch the body language of our partners closely, this can stress people out (like they know what we're doing...), so go on that hike, give your date a few miles to feel the endorphin hit, then let the questioning begin. 

Choose your Meals Wisely—If you must observe the ritual of eating out, cut your costs by meeting for lunch over dinner and coffee over drinks.  

Lunch entrees are delicious and discounted from their dinner equivalents. If you are not a drinker, lunch does not invite heavy boozing, and it offers an easy out because who doesn’t have something to do that afternoon?  It is harder to make this excuse in the evening when the only places to go are out with someone else or home to bed (no shame in that!). 

As for beverage dates, coffee over beer. I have dated men who slug a few beers and start telling me their sexual frustrations with past loves or how many kids we are going to have.  Although these confessions told me a lot, I couldn’t drink enough alcohol to make them okay. Abort! Abort! Abort! I ran to my car and took off thankful for my caffeinated sobriety.

This man clearly prefers his date over the sculpture.  

No matter how many dates you go on, choose an activity you enjoy, and don’t break the bank.  Save your money for yourself or for someone worth the expense. By suggesting these thrifty and fun outings, you show your date that you are not just in it for the money; you are in it for the person.  Besides, if your date tries to stick you with the bill on one of these dates, who cares? It didn’t cost much to learn he or she is a loser! So far, no man has dared stick me with the bill, but maybe that’s because I tell my dates up front that I am a debt collection attorney.  Have I mentioned I love my job? Check, please!

Do you have recommendations for inexpensive dates?  I would love to hear them. Please share below.

Cheers,

The Super Spinster