Dear friends,
It is upon us. Wedding
season. The photos have begun in
earnest. There are the engagement
photos, the dress shopping for bride, bridesmaid, and mothers, the bridal shower or showers, the bachelorette party, the bachelor
party, then the wedding followed by the honeymoon photos and the one-month
anniversary photos….does it ever end? With the recent wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, we are inundated with images of fairy tale nuptials and wedded bliss. A wedding
isn't just a day; it's a season of hype leading to a moment when two people vow to love each other forever and, with luck and hard work, sometimes manage to. As soon as
one season passes, another begins, and the best we can do is adjust to this
cultural obsession.
When I say adjust, I don’t mean go find a fiancé and marry him
just because everyone else is. We both
know that is happening at an alarming rate.
By adjust, I mean embrace the fun, romance, and comical irony of these
seasons. Some of these marrying couples
love each other, and it should be great fun to celebrate with them.
Survive wedding season with the following 8 tips:
(1) Overcome
the “+1”
Most wedding invitations include a “+1”, usually for a romantic
partner. I say forget that rule. New
rules: “+1” means bring that cool person with whom you would have a fabulous
time. OR You don’t need a +1 to have
fun. At the past two wedding I have
attended, I have not brought an extra person and have had a heck of a time. When I
have brought a guest, it is my sister/best friend. We rock the party and love confusing people
with our similar faces in differing hair colors (my sister is blonde; I am
brunette). The comments we get are great,
too. “How cute! You brought your
sister. No boyfriend for either of you?” My polite response: “No. The best guy around just got married. Don't they look happy?” Or, my favorite, “You’re a catch! Why aren’t you married yet?” My response: “Just lucky I guess.”
(2) Wear
What Suits
Appropriate dress for a wedding shows respect for the couple,
but obsessing over your outfit is absurd.
We don’t care if you wore that suit and tie in the last wedding photos. We don’t care if that dress is the one you
wore to your cousin’s nuptials last spring.
We don’t care. Wear what is
respectful and makes you happy. I have
worn the same dress to multiple weddings because it is comfortable, I can dance
it, and it makes me look great. I have
no problem looking fabulous and happy again and again in wedding photos. However, if you must wear something
different, don’t buy a new dress; consider www.renttherunway.com and rent a new
ensemble for less.
(3) Just Say “No”
Just because the bride or groom asks you to be in the
wedding party or to attend their destination wedding in New Zealand doesn’t
mean you are a bad person for saying “no”.
Being in a wedding party or traveling across the world is expensive and
time-consuming. If you cannot afford the
expense or time, be honest. Just promise
to help where you can, be a great guest at the wedding, or celebrate with them
when they return from Bora Bora.
(4) Filter
Out the Photos
Wedding season photos can become obnoxious. They are all posed, and everyone looks
absurdly happy. If the rhinestones blind
you, turn off the photos on your social media.
Yes, you care about these people and want them to be happy, but if it is
driving you crazy, stop. I am a happy
single woman, but even I feel sad seeing all of the photos of the happily
hitched. I start torturing myself with, “Why
do they have all the luck? When will it
be my turn? Is there something wrong
with me? Is it because I am an attorney? Too outspoken? Am I too tall? Am I single because I write a crazy blog
about spinsters?? What is wrong with me??!!”
Nothing. These feelings are part
of the wedding fever disease. Medicate
immediately by turning off the photos, find your single friends, and go
have fun at once. It will pass as long
as you take care of yourself and remember that just because everyone’s photos
are perfect doesn’t mean their lives are perfect. We all have difficulties and getting married
isn’t easy. We use photo filters not
just too hide visible imperfections; we use photos to hide our troubles, too.
(5) Make
Party Friends
You may attend a wedding that is full of friends and family. Great!
It’s an opportunity to reconnect with those you love already. In April, I attended my cousin’s wedding and
loved visiting with my family and meeting their friends. We were all dressed up, eating well, and
celebrating two people, my cousin and his new wife, who love each other. What could be better?
If you attend a wedding where you know few people, make
friends this way. It is easier to meet
people in a line, so visit the drinks or food tables. A good opener is commenting (kindly) on someone’s
outfit or your environment, introducing yourself, and conversing from
there. This works for men or women. Gentlemen, it is nice to compliment a lady on
her dress as long as it is respectful.
Comments on accessories, shoes, or outfit color are
safe. Easy conversation topics are the
wedding ceremony you just saw, where you met the married couple, and the location
of the party. With luck, you may meet
some awesome people and even hit the dance floor!
(6) Hitting
the Dance Floor
I like to dance, and I don’t wait for someone to invite me
out there. I don’t need to be drunk to
dance (no matter what people think), and I don’t care how I look. I have a great time, and the married couple
usually are happy someone is enjoying the DJ or band they paid for.
At my cousin’s wedding in November, I had a hoot with the bride and the
bridesmaids, my cousins, and the other brave souls who danced the night
away. What a workout! I burned off all the cake calories in no
time! For slow dances, I gave my feet a
much-needed break and enjoyed watching the happy couples have their moments.
(7) Catching
the Bouquet
Ladies, the bride may want to throw the bouquet as a
blessing to her single friends, and if you want that flowery concoction,
prepare like this: Shoes off. Dead center behind the bride. Give it a few feet so she can throw it. Elbows
out. Focus, and reach! My cousin’s wedding in November had some
eager single ladies lining up for the bouquet.
I care little about these things (I thought), but I participate to
please the bride. My sister was in the fray,
too, and a photo of us at the prime moment reveals a lot. Someone caught a photo as the bouquet flew through
the air, and there I am, face alight, looking up at the bouquet (that I didn’t
catch) with a huge smile. Behind us is my
sister, wine glass still in hand, grimacing and ducking the fatal flowers. That about sums us up. I am the hopeless romantic pretending not to
be. She will protect her drink and face
from projectiles no matter the occasion.
(8) Waving
the Wedded Couple Goodbye
Wish them well as they go.
Whether you enjoyed the wedding or not, here are two people who just vowed
to love each other forever. Be happy for
them. Be happy for the other engaged and
married couples in your life. Support
those who split. Be happy for yourself
and the blessings you already have. Wine helps.
*BONUS TIP*
(9) Throw your Own Party!
Longing for a party of your own but not tying the knot? Who cares?!
Throw a party to celebrate something you love. I had a party at my house celebrating
the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.
I bought British-themed party favors, baked scones and a cake, made tea,
and invited my friends and family over to watch the wedding reruns, drink, and
make merry. I dressed up, put my pearls
on, and received the flowers, wine, and food my generous guests brought. With my love for England, the royal family,
and romance, it was the perfect wedding season party for me, and I had a great
time. Your themed party can be anything
from a costume party to a Game-of-Thrones-watch party to a barbecue. Celebrate the way you like, and share the
love with those you care about.
Last words:
Weddings can be stressful, but they are an opportunity to connect, celebrate,
and love each other, including ourselves.
Parties allow us to meet new people and catch up with those we missed. We eat well, drink merrily, and dance. I love my family and friends and enjoy the
time with them. I love connecting with
and learning about others. Although I
worry about some couples who perhaps have chosen poorly, I respect the risk
they are taking and wish them well. And when
wedding season gets me down, I take a break from the photos and practice
self- care, like riding my bike down hills really fast, digging into the garden,
or planning a trip across the ocean. I
take that negative energy and channel it into caring for myself, helping others,
and loving the ones I’m with. It works
well for me, and I have enjoyed every wedding attended thus far. Bring on the invitations!
May this wedding season be full of blessings for the engaged,
the married, and all the guests ready to celebrate happy couples betting on
love and each other. I am rooting for you!
Cheers!
The Super Spinster
