Is the Meet Cute Dead?—Adventures in Online Dating

Dear friends,

        

Recently, I applied to join an exclusive dating website catering to professional men and women seeking serious relationships among local singles.  The site is “The League”, and it launches today in Detroit to the lucky few who meet its high standards.  The League tailors its users’ matches according to sex, age, height, distance, ethnicity, education, and religion.  More than an online dating site, the League caters “live” events where singles meet and fall in love the old-fashioned way, in person.  Not only does this site promise catered love, it offers the “meet cute” of our dreams with the convenience of online snooping first.

          

Katharine Hepburn and Cary Grant in Bringing up Baby

In film and TV, a “meet cute” is a scene where a future romantic couple meets and has a life-changing “moment”.  While checking her makeup in the mirror, the heroine spots her soul mate in the reflection as other women unsuccessfully vye for his attention[1]; the heroine hits under par on the hero’s golf hole and upends his wedding plans with her athletic charm[2]; two Dalmatians pull their oblivious owners across a London park toward human and canine love.[3]  As a concept, the “meet cute” has existed since the 1940s but has been, oh, how nearly everyone has fallen in love until now.  

Today, the meet cute is more fairy tale than reality.  Online couples often agree to fake a “meet cute” to avoid admitting they met in the digital world.  Meeting “cutely” in person is not just antiquated, it's hard.  Many people cling to their phones or avoid the risk of in-person refusal while online dating provides hundreds of  approachable options and a milder rejection from the safety of physical distance.

Meet Cute from 101 Dalmatians

Still, the hope of a “meet cute” drives men and women to venture into the "real" world.  A few weeks ago, I attended a Singles’ Night at the Detroit Institute of Arts and Michigan Science Center in search of that meet-cute moment.  The program advertised as a night of love and fun amidst other singles in two fabulous museums.  When asked if an equal number of men and women would attend, program coordinators assured people (i.e. the women calling ahead) that many men had purchased tickets and would attend.  HA!  Dozens of women arrived at the event, beautifully dressed, to the admiration of around fifteen men, five of whom were program coordinators.  These numbers are estimates, but the disparity was disheartening.  I would say I was shocked, but why lie to you?  I am not.  

Sample Meet Cute--Man Buys Woman Drink; Man Talks to Woman

Readers, where have all the single men gone?  They might not have found Singles’ Night at a couple of museums attractive, but their absence from other locales makes me concerned for their species.  Most men found in the wild have that signature ring or accompanying female glaring a "HANDS OFF!", or they are so clustered in a group that they're indistinguishable.  If they see an attractive woman, they don’t order her a drink anymore.  They don’t go up to her.  They're too afraid of flirtation being conceived as harassment or just being foolish and obnoxious.   The in-person approach, that brave move many of us remember in the bars and grocery lines of our youths, seems a thing of the past.     

Barbara Stanwyck sees Henry Fond for the first time in The Lady Eve

Returning to the League, you can imagine why the site gave me hope with its promise of great options and real-life events.  The League promised an array of choices with meet-cute opportunities to boot.  So, I completed my profile and selected my preferences.

·        Male (important)

• Ages 27 to 39 (I am 29 years old.)
• Height 5’8” to 7’0” (I am 5’8”.)
• Distance no greater than 39 miles (I am not driving to Toledo for a first date.)
• Ethnicity: No Preference
• Education: Selection (uh, he should have one)
• Religion: Catholic or Christian (I am a Christian, so this is important.)

Done!  All I had to was await an opening in the group and leap into the playing field.  The League even told me I was a great candidate and met all of its requirements.

Advertising for The League

Then, my helpful League “concierge”, the app adviser and love guru who will help me to eternal romance, messaged me.  He said, “I did want to give you the heads up that the Drafting team reviewed your profile and everything looks great!  However, they did notice that you’re running a bit low on Potentials within your set preferences. . . . (blah, blah, blah, invite more people, preferences too narrow, no men for you).”  WHAT?!  This is the League of Extraordinary Gentleman!  Why am I low on “Potentials”?  Are my preferences unreasonable?  These are the base line of what I want.  Crazily, I also want chemistry and mutual interests, similar goals and no criminal record.  If my basic requirements are more than Metro Detroit can offer, and if the meet cute is dead, what do I do?

Readers, I am always honest with you.  I know there are amazing men out there.  I have had the privilege to meet some of them.  They are now happily ensconced with wives, fiancées, and girlfriends, and they give me hope.   But, this relationship safari lacks a happy hunting ground.  I accentuate leading your best life solo no matter what, but the lack of viable suitors shocks me.  Dating is hard enough, but having no options is worse.  This League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is as fictional as the 2003 film of nonexistent superheroes.   What else can I do but crochet myself into my armchair and declare eternal spinsterhood?

Sample Meet Cute

Gentlemen, if you are out there, talk to us.  Go to the grocery store, and talk to us in line about the pickles we bought, the right wine to pair with our quiche, or whatever.  Have courage and buy us a drink; it may work out.  Don’t leave romance up to the internet or your Dalmatian.  Tell us where you are hiding.  We want to talk to you.  We cannot truly be in a league of our own.

 Cheers,

The Super Spinster

---

[1]  Barbara Stanwyck and Henry Fonda in The Lady Eve (1941).

[2] Katharine Hepburn and Cary Grant in Bringing up Baby (1938).

[3] Purdie and Pongo in Walt Disney’s 101 Dalmatians (1961).