Rapunzel Breaks out of the Tower

Dear Friends,

Spinsters weave the threads of their own destinies.  That even includes the threads on their heads--their hair!  Recently, my sister Rachel cut off nine inches of her Rapunzel-like hair to donate to charity.  She now has a short, shiny blond bob, and she loves it.


Rachel Rapunzel

The best part about Rachel's new look is that she chose it, no one else's input required.  Too many men and women feel pressure to dress and behave according to a partner's desires.  I have heard comments like these: "Yeah, your hair looks great, but I just loved it long."  "Your beard is okay, but I prefer you clean shaven."  "Won't you consider a wax?  I'd be happy to pay for it."  These are far from generous compliments.  These are molding statements.  They are attempts by one partner to mold the other partner into his or her ideal.  When did we become more wax and clay than human?  Forget these molds: partners should love each other for who they are.  Although encouraging one another to remain healthy and happy is fine, bullying each other, even passive aggressively, to fit an ideal is not.

Even more disturbing than the molds partners try to pour us into is our willingness to squeeze into them.  And who can blame us?  We all want to be liked.  We want to be attractive.  But isn't "healthy and happy" attractive enough?  A smiling person is sure to be liked.  We are drawn to joyful people.  Whether it is because we want to find out what is making them so happy (get me some of that!) or because their joy inspires that feeling in us, we gravitate toward people comfortable in their own skins. 

My sister's happiness in her new haircut is solely self-derived.  She decided to cut her locks, she decided to donate her hair, and she is happy because of it.  And that has made everyone around her a little more joyful, too.



Rachel Revised

Cheers,
Super Spinster

Introductions--Start Having Fun!

Dear Friends,

Hi, everyone.  My name is L--.  ("Hiiii....L--.")  I am 28 years old, I work in the legal field, I live with my sister, and I am a spinster.  (Gasp!)  Yes, friends.  You heard me.  I am a woman "without a man."  And I am here to say that I LOVE my life!

Is that so surprising?  After years of feeling like cultural coupledom had exiled me to the backwaters of society, I have had ENOUGH.  I have decided to STOP feeling sorry for myself and start having FUN again.  Remember that?  Fun?  It was a staple of childhood--what we were best at.  We all had fun regardless of and even in spite of adult and cultural approval.  We just did it because it was great!  For example, I used to love running away into the woods, just me and my collie dog.  We would roam around for hours discovering trees and hiding places, streams, and flowers.  We would visit the horses up in the field and slip down toward the lake for a swim.  I needed no one and wanted no one.  It was more fun to explore my way and at my pace!  When did that become so terrible? 

As we all grew older, we encountered the pressures to "pair up."  Before the heralding of hormones, we paired up with our friends.  We played video games, built tree forts, made up games (like yoga ball soccer--awesome), and shared adventures.  No girl could go to the bathroom by herself.  No boy could shoot hoops alone.  Romance was taboo.  Beauty impeded the joy of dirt.  Inhibitions ruined every truth or dare.

But those years ended and brought new challenges.  Teenagedom saw the sparks of attraction between former pals, and new eye candy unraveled itself along our school hallways and through our well-worn playgrounds.  Suddenly, romance was in the air, and it was great!  You cannot deny it was fun (sometimes), and it still is (with the right person).  But it is not the only way to enjoy life.

Our society has granted romantic couples a monopoly on fun.  No more can you sit alone in a café, sipping some sinfully sweet drink, reading a book, and watching the cars roll by.  A night at home alone with a glass of wine and the entire Star Wars trilogy or Sex & the City series is pitiable.  Vacations alone are a sin!  And girls' or guys' nights out are relegated to a stand-in for the more desirable date night.  Rolling alone or rolling with one's friends is not "fun" anymore.

We know this is not "fun" because TV, social media, and our community says it is not.  Hollywood writes about single people only to give them a romantically happy ending.  Girls' nights out lead to at least one lucky lady catching the eye of her soul mate at the bar.  Guys' nights out, those joyful binges of beer and sports and chat, are merely a prelude to marriage, children, and responsibility.  Movie scripts interrupt any single person reading in a café with some handsome stranger wanting attention (wait, let me finish this chapter...).  Our community pities that older lady who sits alone at the bar, her glass of wine full and her meal before her, watching the college basketball game of her alma mater.  We only celebrate engagements, marriages, and babies.  They are the products of romance, of cultural coupledom, and the end of singledom.

Well, not this blog!  I say that being a bachelor or a spinster is a cherished time in our lives.  Single people direct their own destinies, and in doing so, learn much about themselves and others.  They are resourceful, independent, giving, adventurous, and smart.  Society need not pity them, and neither do I.  With so much of the world to see and experience, spinsters and bachelors are poised to reach for their goals and achieve them.  And they have such FUN along the way!

To show how much fun spinsterhood can be ("spinsterhood"--the life of a single person), I created this blog.  It will feature how the spinsters I know and admire make the most of their lives.  It will showcase famous, world-rocking spinsters, and it will highlight the humble, everyday spinsters who live it up in their own ways.  Of the many activities spinsters enjoy, some are high energy and some are simple pleasures.  The activities are catered to the spinster's sense of fun, whatever that is.  No judgment here.

I hope, dear friends, this blog inspires you to have more fun.  Whether alone, with friends, family, your community, or serendipitous strangers, please share your adventures and comments.  Together we can build a society that celebrates everyone for the value they bring by being their best, most fun-loving selves.

Cheers,
Super Spinster