Turn Thirty and Cry, or Turn Thirty and Fly?

Dear friends,

Turn thirty and cry, or turn thirty and fly?  I'll admit crying is tempting, and I knew this birthday would be challenging.  Women (and men to an extent) are under pressure to remain young forever, the eternal "29-year old",  and we literally beat our bodies into submission.  But we need not cease celebrating the years of our lives after 29.  Why are we missing so many parties?  The key to taking back our bodies and our hearts is to think outside of the limits of ourselves.  When it's not all about us we can unplug the societal pressure cooker and restore ourselves by the logic of why we are where we are.

With this philosophy, I found a perfect thirtieth birthday scheme that was less about what I lack and more about the amazing people in my life. Too many times, I have been helped by the right person in the right place at the right time.  How did they manage to be there?  Serendipity?  Fate?  Did I care?  I just needed someone, and that person's kindness changed that moment of need into one of joy.  If I could recreate that and multiply it by every year of my life thus far--thirty times over--surely I would know I am in the right place at the right time not for my sake but for yours.

So, for my thirtieth birthday, I asked for thirty random acts of kindness.  When I feel powerless to crush the evil in this world, I perform a random act of kindness and hope it grows into a Goliath of goodness, righting the wrongs that I cannot on my strength alone.  Surely, even thirty kindnesses could work small miracles?

 I have listed below the collection of kindnesses my loved ones shared with me for my thirtieth.  Maybe you were the beneficiary or the successor beneficiary of a few of these.  If not, fear not; they’re making their way around the world to you. 

RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS BY MY AMAZING FAMILY AND FRIENDS

(1) "At work we are in our busiest season with weddings, proms, etc working on average 6 days a week, 70 hours-(Super Spinster)’s bday inspired me to pick up some healthy breakfast items for the team! Not sure if this counts, but THANK YOU for this idea! It is so energizing! " --Nicole

(2) My friend Michele purchased a bed kit for a child in a third-world country from Sleeping Children Around the World.  This organization provides needy children with a mat or mattress/bedding, a mosquito net to combat the threat of malaria and other vector-borne diseases, schoolbag and school supplies, and clothing and footwear.  For more info., visit Sleeping Children Around the World

(3) "Nothing fancy, but tonight at our Church's family fun night, Luke and I helped give directions to different events, held doors for people, helped kids wait in line by singing songs, and brought water to a busy mom who was hot. We weren't working this event, just trying to be nice. What would (Super Spinster) do? " --Julie

(4) "I bought my friend’s Breakfast this morning after our long run in the hills of Leonard. 🍳" -- Sarah

(5) "I've done this a few times lately, but today I took my elderly neighbor's dog for a walk! This sweetheart is the best!" -- Becca

(6) "One of my favorite things to do is to buy an extra coffee or two at the cafeteria at work. The cashier knows us all so well by now that I always know that she'll pick someone who really needs it. I'm never there when she picks someone and tells them their coffee is paid for, but it's great just knowing that someone got a happy surprise." -- Marie

(7)  "Today was my first time coaching youth baseball. PAL 12 and under and of course I opened the door for several people today and wished them an amazing day."  --Richerd

(8) "I was trying to pay our parking meter in downtown Stratford yesterday and the people in front of me were having a lot of trouble. They happened to be Americans. They let me go ahead and we recognized that American coins don’t cut it in Canada at the meters. I happily paid for them and they were so thrilled and astonished that I wouldn’t take the 5$ bill the presented me. Random acts of kindness are the best!" -- Sue

(9) "(Super Spinster), I thought of you last week as I picked a single peony flower from my garden. I took it to one of my schools and gave it to a very special grade five girl that I have been working with. I know you will understand. A week later she still has the fallen petals in a Ziploc bag that she carries around with her. Happy birthday to you." -- Sue

(10) "(Super Spinster) the other day I was visiting a large hospital. Met an elderly woman, with a walker and very shakey, in the washroom. She could not find her purse and had come downstairs to buy her husband, a patient, a coffee. She had great difficulty getting around and thought maybe she left her purse upstairs in her husband's room. I helped her search and when we were not successful gave her $5.00 to buy a coffee so that she would not have to make a trip upstairs and down again. Made me feel wonderful and just hope she found her purse. I know that is something you would do." -- Nancy 

(11) "This is such a lovely idea (Super Spinster). We moved house last year, and now live on a wonderful street in Saint Clair Shores. Many of our neighbors are elderly, and my husband and I regularly look out for them, and provide help and support. So far this week we have helped one neighbor with her car battery that had gone flat, helped another move a large planter, and took care of another neighbors home while she went out of town. Just small things, but it makes us very happy to help, and it means the world to them that they have someone to turn to.  Happy Birthday...have a wonderful day!" --Katie

(12) "Great idea, (Super Spinster). Yesterday I cleaned up [a neighbor's] cottage flower beds and watered them. I know my work was not as good as [my neighbor's], but it made me feel good to help out a bit at a time when she can't do it." -- Candy

(13) "(Super Spinster), I gave an Ecuadorian man a lesson on Americans. I explained that their president didn't represent what Americans were about. He truly understood when I told him how a young lady who I have known since birth just wanted 30 good deeds done for her birthday.And I gave him money to buy his young daughters new dresses for church. In these times your wishes really make a difference." --Brian

(14) "Gave a coupon to the lady in front of me to use...Boy, was she surprised, it was worth $1.50...Also killed weeds in my neighborhood park today, so it looks good!" -- Greg

(15) "This is a nice idea (Super Spinster)! I recently donated to the food pantry at my church, and will soon be helping them out with some other volunteer programs as well." --Alex

(16) "Today I was fueling my car at the Kroger gas station. The card reader wasn’t working at the pump, so I decided to pay in cash at the window. While waiting on my change, I heard the woman in front of me ask for $7.83 in gas. I approached her, and asked if there was a reason she’d been so specific about the amount. As expected, she shared that it was all the change she had. I reached over and placed my $6.25 in her hand. She seemed incredulous, 'for real? You’re giving this to me?' I told her that I thought she should have more gas in her tank. While I was walking back to my vehicle she called out that I’d made her day. Honestly, she made mine." --Stacey

(17) "I brought your sister an iced tea on a hot school day ." --Beth Anne (**my sister seriously appreciated it)

(18) "Luke and I are surprising Drew with a lunch date for an early Father's Day celebration. We are also bringing cookies to his whole team. " -- Julie

(19) My friend Mehak told me about this one.  She bought the coffee of the person behind her in the Tim Horton's drive thru. She returned to Tim Horton's the next day and was told she started a pay-it-forward stream that lasted from 7 A.M. until 1 P.M. That's six hours of paying it forward! 

(20) "As a birthday gift, I set up a website for a former classmate who writes really insightful movie reviews. He used to work for me when I edited the student newspaper. When he was graduating (4 years ago!) he talked about how he wanted to critique films. He has a great 9-5 job now that has nothing to do with the silver screen, but movies are still his passion. He's spoken at the local library about the Oscars, posts his reviews on theFacebook.com, but he never got around to getting a website together. I hadn't talked to him in over a year, so when I sent him an email with a URL and login, he found it a very random act of kindness." -- Ben

(21) "Brought home another plant, even though I have little room for one, because I wanted for make sure the plant had a good home." -- Stephen

(22) "Bought my co-workers donuts as a thank you and good-bye before leaving my job." -- Nitya

(23) "One of my coworkers grandfathers passed away during work yesterday morning, so during lunch, I went and bought her some flowers to brighten her day." -- Hilary

(24) "My friend has a young baby, I gave her some resources for free events to bond with other new mom's. Luke and I took her to one today. She was really glad to get out of the house." -- Julie

(25) "The YMCA of Marquette County has recently fallen into some hard times and I am helping by teaching Swim lesson training and acting as a competitive swim consultant at no cost to them . . . . And . . . Sault Ste Marie MI is in risk of losing both of their pools. . .  We are currently finishing up a fundraiser where our pool is our main build so we have lots of cost analysis and what not. Where these are not so much 'Paying it forward' I have taken it upon myself to buckle down and do everything I can to make sure that every person in the UP has the opportunity to swim whether it be for competitive swimming, learning how to swim, water aerobics and rehab or a fearful adult who has never swam before. Drowning is the second leading cause of death in children under the age to 12, 80% of drownings happen within arms reach of safety...This needs to end and this is how I'm helping in Upper Michigan and Wisconsin." -- John 

(26) "Promotion Celebration yesterday/today at work. Not on the list this year, but seeking out the promotees and sharing in their joy." -- Alison

(27) "It’s not totally random, because it was while at work...but today my client showed up for DTE assistance completely unprepared. I had every right to send them away per our policies, but I tried my hardest to work with them to get everything they needed and I was able to stop their pending shut off and give them the maximum amount of assistance! I also provided them resources for setting up payment arrangements, budgeting and energy saving classes, and job opportunities in the area. They were very thankful and appreciative of all of the extra help I provided outside of my normal duties. Happy birthday (Super Spinster)! Know that your birthday led to one less Detroit family without utilities this summer " -- Megan

(28) "How about holding the door open for a man at the YMCA at 5:40am!" -- Jodi

(29) "I picked up rubbish on the street today!! Some people are such litterbugs! ♻️" --Antonia

(30) My friend, who wishes to remain anonymous, paid for her friend's fire insurance premium so the friend could get the benefits of her policy and start getting back into her home.   

BONUS KINDNESSES!

(31) "I just delivered food, housewares, clothes, and toys to a Mom in need. Happy Birthday!" -- Erica

(32) "I paid for the guy behind me at McDonald’s." -- Melissa

(33) "Clare and I went through our closets and gathered up a couple bags of clothes to donate to Salvation Army. Clare was adamant on donating these clothes to our church’s rummage sale on June 9th, but I had other plans for that day (engagement), so the rummage sale took a back seat. We settled for Salvation Army today and are happy to help those in need in the Ann Arbor area." -- Ben

(34) "On Monday, I went with my dad & his cousin, Julianne, to visit her sister, who recently had to be put in a care facility. She doesn't get many guests other than Julianne, even from her own children, so I wanted to go see her. She has been suffering from some dementia and physical problems, causing her to fall. I talked with her and, while in the room, also visited with her roomate, Mary. She was a funny lady, who had been there 5 months. You never know how many visitors people in care homes get, so I made sure Mary had someone to vent to. I told them next time I want to bring my dog, Bella, to visit them, too." -- Liz

(35) "Just donated to the JL of Detroit." -- Layne

(36) "In honor of your birthday today Alex and I volunteered to host a coffee hour/breakfast at our church. Thank you for inspiring everyone to do such great acts of kindness & happy birthday!!! " --Rachel


(37) My aunt delivered sweets to the medical staff at the hospital where my uncle was getting treatment.  The bowl of chocolates was gone within hours.  My uncle received excellent care.

I cannot calculate the boomerang effect of all these kindnesses, but I'd like to think that they trickle down to us in the nice people who let us in on the highway, who pick up the trash on our street, and who compliment us on a day when we feel rotten.

With these kinds of friends, these kind friends, bring on the years.  I can't wait to fly into this next decade.  I live in a better world because of them.

Cheers,
Super Spinster

 

I Gave Up Anxiety for Lent

Dear friends, 

Phones ring, files breed across my desk, and my collie dog frightens a new colleague away from the door on her first day at the office.  (Don’t worry.  She came back.)  These small dramas are nothing compared to the bigger dramas in my life, but I smile serenely because I gave up anxiety for Lent.

I live with Anxiety.  Capital “A” anxiety.  I worry about everything.  What if a plane crashed onto the street outside my house?  What if the chemicals in this creamy peanut butter give me cancer?  What if I never find my soulmate?  Could I get a sperm donor?  What if my sperm donor is a psychopath?  If I don't recycle this plastic bag, will an animal eat it and die?  Would I look better blonde?  Is North Korea poised to push the button and nuke us?  Have I lived enough to die today?

No, I had not lived enough because every moment spent worrying was a moment not lived.  I missed the taste of the peanut butter, flaked on dating, and disregarded the healthy relationships around me.  I was missing things and focusing on exhausting improbabilities.

I have had Anxiety my whole life.  As a girl, I would get so excited and worried about family vacations that I would vomit the night before and prompt my parents to cancel because they thought I was sick.  High school was a blur of attempted perfection—captain of three teams, valedictorian, band geek, too tired to address the problem of feeling like I didn’t belong.  In college, when my grandmother was dying from cancer and Parkinson's, I would run and run and run around campus and feel too full of anxious acid to eat the calories I needed.  I got too thin.  At Oxford, I agonized over my intellectual inadequacy and strained myself into strep throat.  Now, I am a young attorney in a family business, everyone is getting married and having children like the world is about to end, and I can’t eat my favorite foods because my acid reflux makes them unappetizing.

But there’s hope.  At the beginning of Lent this year, I’d had enough.  Anxiety had ruled my life for too long.  I may never find my soulmate, and Kim Jong-un may kill us all, but I would not be controlled by fear any more. 

At first, it was easy.  Whenever I started wandering along the worry trails, I yelled “Halt!” and switched to something pleasant.  I forged new mental paths.  Look at all the Hart of Dixie episodes I have left!  Purple spring crocuses are popping through the ivy!  Book club meets next week at the steakhouse!  I swam two miles in the pool in the fast lane!  Every time the anxiety started to choke me, I breathed deeply until my heart was so full of oxygen that it had no choice but to relax.  “Calm the f*** down,” I said.  “God has it handled.”

Lent has passed, and I wish I could say I float serenely through the storm.  God has challenged me anew with some personal drama.  Someone dear to me may be ill and need treatment, and I am unsure of the future.  I study law, not medicine, and I fret about what I don't know. Even the calmest individual could not escape fear in this situation, but I wonder if God wanted me to give up Anxiety this Lent because trouble was on the horizon.  I could have given up many things, but He encouraged me to release the thing that would torture me the most.  Clearly, there's a plan I have yet to understand.

Work won’t let up, and neither will life, yet I am better armed against it.  In overcoming Anxiety, I pray for three things.  I pray for Wisdom to find the right path, Courage to step onto it, and Strength to carry me through.  Tomorrow has its own challenges, but for today my collie dog and the new colleague are friends, my files are handled, and God takes care of the rest.

If you suffer from Anxiety, here are a few suggestions for managing it:

Pet a friendly animal.  It lowers blood pressure.

Exercise.  It releases endorphins (happy chemicals), pounds out anger and fear, and keeps you fit enough to handle the stress.

Talk to a good listener.  If you don’t have someone to talk to, God listens and answers in interesting ways (story on that for another time).

Go outside.  Plants, especially trees, release calming chemicals.  In Japan, people call it “Forest Bathing” and do it regularly. http://www.shinrin-yoku.org/shinrin-yoku.html 

Stop judging yourself.  If you need to eat ice cream and watch a dumb TV show, do it.  Sin a little to release some steam in the pressure cooker.

Never think you are alone.  Consult your doctor if you suffer from serious symptoms.  I have been there, and there is no shame in it.  Visit here for more information: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/index.shtml. 

Cheers,
Super Spinster