"129 ways to get a husband" 1950s Style--Part I

Dear friends,

If your resolution for 2019 is to land a husband, you probably shouldn't read Fun with Spinsters!, but just for fun, here is some husband-hunting advice for the new year.  

Do I have a husband?  No, but finding a good man would be nice.  Luckily for me, I have been the recipient of much dating advice, including the following gems: hang out at the bars, go blonde, join churches, don't argue with him, wear more makeup, wear the gear of his favorite sports team, let him win, and most importantly, quit dilly dallying!  Needless to say, this advice failed me, so maybe I need expert opinions from the men and women who knew how to get the job done, people who married in droves and launched our modern wedding industry.  In other words, I need the assistance of those poodle-skirted, whole-milk-drinking geniuses of the 1950s--the mothers and fathers of the Baby Boom.  

In the next few posts, I will share portions of the 1958 McCall's magazine article "129 ways to get a husband" and apply this vintage wisdom to 2019.  Ready to hunt?

Ways 1 to 13: "Where to find him"

Marilyn Monroe Walking her Dog

1. "Get a dog and walk it"  Owning a dog is a good reason to get outside and chat with cute strangers.  Just don't sniff strangers' butts: let the dog do that research for you.

2. "Have your car break down at strategic places"  Yes, I will drive my car by his house, hop out, slash my own tire, and wait helplessly until he emerges.  STALKER ALERT!

3. "Attend night school--take courses men like"  This depends on the desired "Mrs." degree.  Does your local medical school offer evening courses?  Invite your cute classmate to "listen to your heart" with his stethoscope then proceed to a physical examination if he passes the test.

John Bull 1958 UK Hiking Picture

4. "Join a hiking club"  Before buying all the gear, scope out the hikers.  Don't waste money on Sasquatchy guys.  Tent for two?

5.  "Look in the census report for places with the most single men.  Nevada has 125 males for every 100 males"  Research for 2018 reveals the five best places to find single men:
1. Boulder, CO
2. Boston-Cambridge-Newton, MA-NH
3. Bridgeport-Stamford-Nowak, CT
4. Pittsfield, MA 
5. Champaign-Urbana, IL 
Time to put in for that work transfer! Best Cities for Singles in 2018

6. "Read the obituaries to find eligible widowers"  By "eligible", I assume they mean "rich".  Obituaries--Grosse Pointe News.  You're welcome.

7. "Take up golf and go to different golf courses"  Good advice!  Many men's dating profiles include photos of them golfing.  Better advice is to get a job driving the beer cart; you'll be everyone's favorite and can make a quick getaway if you don't like the clientele.

8. "Take several short vacations at different places rather than one long one at one place"  I assume this is to increase the number of men you meet, and the vacation locations should be chosen carefully.  Where did that widower say he and his wife had that timeshare?

Chicago tourism postcard

9.  "Sit on a park bench and feed the pigeons"  Then train your pigeon friends to land on the cute guys in the park.  No pooping on him, Peaches!


10.  "Take a bicycle trip through Europe" Ride a tandem bike solo with bike baskets full of baked goods in clear wrapping.  Place a bow on the second seat as an open invitation for l'amour.

11. "Get a job in a medical, dental or law school"  But for God's sake don't become a doctor, dentist, or lawyer!

1957 Stewardess from the magazine Everywoman's Family Circle*

12.  "Become a nurse or an air-line stewardess--they have very high marriage rates"  Not according to the 10 jobs with the highest divorce rates: 
1. Dancer/Choreographer
2. Bartender
3. Massage Therapist
4. Gaming Cage Worker 
5. Extruding Machine Operator
6. Gaming Service Worker
7. Factory Worker
8. Switchboard Operator
9. Nurse/Health Aide 
10. Entertainer/Performer/Pro Athlete.  
Leave your pole dancing career behind, friends; it doesn't seem to inspire marital bliss.  But if you are a male massage therapist, I'm yours. 10 jobs with the highest divorce rates

13. "Ask your friends' husbands who the eligible men are in their offices" Ask for CEOs, CFOs, and COOs and/or for the sweethearts who work hard and bring donuts for the team.  Forget the small fry: we are big-game hunters at Fun with Spinsters! 

Ready to pack these tools in your purse and get hunting?  Stay tuned for my next post with ways fourteen to twenty-seven on "129 ways to get a husband".  I hear wedding bells already.

Cheers,
The Super Spinster

P.S. *Here are the stewardess grooming tips and taboos from above:

Grooming Tips

• Hair clean and shining
• A soft feminine hair style
• Skin soft and smooth
• Delicate flattering make-up
• Teeth clean and healthy
• Voice well modulated
• Modest tasteful clothing
• Hat and gloves for street wear
• A well fitted girdle
• Fresh lingerie daily
• Hem lines of becoming length
• Body skin fresh and clean
• Daily use of a deodorant
• Armpits hair-free
• Hands soft and manicured
• Legs smooth and free of hair
• Feet well groomed and well shod

Taboos

• Ankle bracelets
• Platinum nail polish
• Decorated or dark-heel hosiery
• Shabby unpolished shoes and run-over heels
• Uneven, ill-hanging hems
• Long shaggy hair, streaming pony-tail hairdos, boyish haircuts
• Heavy artificial-looking make-up
• Loud boisterous voice
• Profane or rude language
• Unsightly unladylike positions of feet and legs when sitting or standing
• Pretentious jewelry
• Sheer revealing blouses and gaudy dress of any kind
• Any form of unladylike behavior
• Use of cheap-smelling perfume

Well, I'm f***ed.  How did you do?