Dear friends,
Do “bachelorettes” have more fun? Not if you’re a Fun with Spinsters! spinster,
but “bachelorette” has become the gentler term for a single lady looking for love. This is thanks to ABC’s The Bachelorette. First airing in 2003, The Bachelorette is a dating show where a rejected contestant of The Bachelor gets a second chance at love with twenty-five
to thirty eligible men eager for her attention. She is courted at cocktail
parties and spectacularly choreographed dates and expected to fall in love with one of these men by season's end. As she homes in on her man, the Bachelorette offers
a dwindling bouquet of red roses to her beau until only one remains. The chosen one then proposes, she accepts, and they, in theory, live happily ever after. (Unless she refuses. See the 2015 season for a surprising
denouement. 2015 Bachelorette Finale)
Despite being a “bachelorette” since 2003, I long have refused
to watch this show. I
thought it gave women unrealistic romantic expectations while demanding that
they be nothing more than beautiful and easy-going, but I was wrong. It took a hostage situation for me to change my mind.
A couple of years ago I was invited to a dinner at girlfriend's house. “Come for dinner,”
my friend said. “I’ll make quesadillas,”
she said. “Ghost pepper salsa,” she
said. By the first crunch of the
quesadilla, I knew something was wrong. She flicked on the TV; a woman in a ballgown walked through a field of sunflowers; then she was making out with a guy, then another guy, then another guy, then they were bungee jumping into jello. "What is this???" I thought, but it was too late. I kept watching. And kept watching. And now, even though it irks
me to say this, I am a fan of The Bachelorette.
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| The Bachelorette Cast, 2019 |
The pageantry of this show is spellbinding, but the feelings of these women and
men can be sincere. This season, Hannah Brown, a southern firecracker hell bent on love and ready to roll-tide over any
bullshit, is the Bachelorette. She was crowned Miss Alabama 2018, so she is, of course, stunning; but other than that, she is pretty normal. She is emotional, ambitious, uncomfortable speaking in public, and delightfully dorky. Suitors who open their
hearts to her are rewarded, and those who force her hand are slapped into shape. In one episode, when a possessive suitor
continued to interrupt her time with others, Hannah informed him that this show
was her deal, that she called the shots, and that if he did not shape up he
could ship out. How often have I wanted to say that?? Damn, Hannah B! This pageant queen is no man's arm candy.
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| Hannah with controversial contestant Luke P |
Whomever Hannah chooses in the end, the likelihood of that relationship surviving is small. A few of the show’s couples have
married, had kids, and been happy together, but most have not. The Bachelorette relationships
last a few months to a year, just long enough for the media attention to fade. Without the glamour of an audience, many Bachelorettes ditch their
guys and use their fame to launch successful careers.
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| Hannah Brown, The Bachelorette 2019 |
It is no surprise that these relationships fail—so much
is contrived—but no matter how long Hannah’s romance lasts, this Bachelorette
knows how to be courted. The more Hannah
demands from Love the harder her suitors work to give it to her. She expects courtesy, honesty, and devotion,
and she gets it. If these men do not meet
Hannah’s needs, she shows them the door.
Literally. In the first episode,
she marched a suitor out of the mansion after learning he had a backup squeeze in case he didn't get a rose. No Plan B with Hannah B! That guy didn't even make it to the rose ceremony.
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| Hannah Brown, The Bachelorette 2019 |
Hannah’s dating expectations are inspiring. If a relationship does not meet her needs, she loses it: she knows that someone else will treat her right. Likewise, that right relationship should feel
natural, not fraught with drama from the start. Barring perfection, which is impossible, a
relationship should complete us more than deplete us, and anything not meeting
that standard is a waste of energy. Hannah has put so much energy into this journey that she was briefly hospitalized for what looked life exhaustion. See how hard dating is nowadays?!
I hope Hannah finds her man. I hope all of my friends find fulfilling relationships. We can’t expect
lavish dates on helicopters or candlelit dinners in the wine cellars of Portuguese
castles (though I wouldn’t refuse). But we can demand kindness, loyalty, and respect. Accept nothing less. We aren't all beauty queens, but who says we shouldn't be treated like royalty? If we set our standards high, and if we love ourselves first, it won't matter how many roses are left; the right one will have saved that last rose for us from the start.
Cheers,
Super Spinster
P.S. Want to know which of The Bachelorette's couples stayed together? Check out Popsugar.com "Bachelorette Couples Where Now"
